Vivre, Rire, Aimer

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 23:52:24 GMT

mid-terms: gross.
past week: 2 exams.
next week: 3 exams.
friday night: homework.
stressed: yes.
coffee: delicious.
best friend: across the table from me.
grey's: callie and haan.
miss: home.
girlfriend: in love.
10/1: a year and a half.
mood: thankful.

Accounting majors have no life.

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 23:47:34 GMT

Tax will be the death of me.

But I love it.

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 00:22:03 GMT

fall semester needs to start.

well, well, well.

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 04:55:00 GMT

well, things are looking up.

i am living in chicago this summer and am paying for my rent for the first time in my life (this is kind of a big deal for me). i was freaking out about how i am going to pay for rent since i am living downtown and rent is high. well, beckie and i signed a lease on an apartment about a week ago and the place is amazing, but not exactly cheap. and, i mean, although my parents said i could borrow money from them over summer to pay for rent, i don't know, i guess i would just like to not have to borrow money from them.
SO...
for a while now, i have been really worried about summer work. my parents really wanted me to get an auditing internship but summertime is not exactly auditing season. aka, no audit summer internships. SO i decided to ask my current internship employer to see if they would be willing to hire a summer intern. i decided it would be great since they pay me enough for me to cover rent, plus i just love working there and it's close to my new apartment. they pondered it for a good month or so, and finally last week told me that they will keep me through the summer. AWESOME.

so not only am i going to be able to pay rent this summer, but i will keep my internship with people i like, while taking summer classes and being on my own. pretty great, i think.

summary of 2007

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 21:41:08 GMT

2007

January:
Went on a cruise to the Virgin Islands
Thought a lot about prior year’s New Year’s Eve
Was still depressed from 2006’s events
Pushed the one person away who I needed most
Slightly lost sight of myself

February:
20th birthday was on Superbowl Sunday – and sucked.
Was the most depressed I had ever been (aka Valentine’s Day’s events)
Completely lost sight of myself

March:
Spring Break – hung out lots with Jessica, who helped me get back up on my feet again
Came to the realization as to what it was that I really wanted
Started to hang out with best friend Denham more
Started to dig myself out of the dark ditch I had dug for myself in the first place
Said something to someone that I had been holding in for a couple years
Maggie visited Chicago

April:
April 1, 2007 <3
Happiest I had been in years

May:
Mom’s and Connor’s birthdays
Finished up 2nd semester of sophomore year
Lost my scholarship :(

June:
Living at home for summer
Visited Chicago
Pride 2007

July:
Visited Chicago again

August:
Back to school
Decided on a major

September:
School became hard
Realized that professors do not know everything

October:
First big roommate blowout
Halloween

November:
Caitlin’s birthday
Horrible roommate situation that made me more depressed than ever
Stayed at Lakeshore every night to avoid Baumhart
Thanksgiving
Started to really worry about grades

December:
Made up with roommate and decided to work on the friendship
Whitney moved out :(
Took some ridiculously hard finals
Examined my major and decided to stay with it
Home for Christmas 2007

New Year’s Eve: Chicago with love

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 21:43:29 GMT

last night, i saw two men bump into each other while walking opposite directions down Pearson, and the thug-looking one tried to start a fight with the business-looking one. the business guy flipped the thug off and then the thug started chasing him down Chestnut.

ah, welcome back to chicago.

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 18:02:17 GMT

is it fall yet?

sunrise, sunset

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 17:28:56 GMT

two more weeks in this hellhole.
jessica is in belgium until the night before i leave for chicago, therefore i am lonely.
i miss caitlin and all of my chicago friends more than ever.
i have been working for the past 5 days in a row and have another 4 before i have a day off.
i have to nanny four children, two of which are hyperactive, for 3 days -- shoot me -- but rebecca is paying, so i'll put up with them.
i have poison ivy/oak and it's spreading quickly.
my foot is numb (not asleep) and i can't figure out why.
i want school to start, despite the tests/quizzes/homework/projects.
i am never living at home ever again.

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 02:26:54 GMT

ah, the lovely sound of my parents fighting with my brother.

typical night here at the mccarthy's.

Thu, 05 Jul 2007 05:16:26 GMT

i was just looking through my myspace photos and i realized how many different hair colors/styles/etc i've had over the past two years. my hair has changed a lot. it's gone from very long, straight-looking to really edgy and choppy to really short and now it's starting to grow back out. with no color except black.

i don't know, it just made me realize how much i've gone through over the past couple years. i discovered a lot about myself and accepted repressed thoughts about myself since i've come to college, and it kind of freaks me out. not the getting to know myself/accepting myself, but the fact that i'm having to change so much about who i want to be or who i am just because i'm in business school and have to start looking all professional. i had to take out my eyebrow piercing this past christmas break because i need the scar to start healing. i can't dye my hair any more different colors because it looks unprofessional. it just makes me sad that i can't be exactly who i want. but i do also really want to be in business. it's so weird. i don't know, just thought i'd share with the class.

happy fourth, ya'll.

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 02:42:11 GMT

omg.

4 days.

finally.

Sun, 03 Jun 2007 03:42:38 GMT

long day of work today.
crazy old japanese woman yelled at me again today.
this was the first time she's talked to me at all since last summer.
threatened to sue me because she doesn't like me.

yeah.
i think it's time for a new job.

i am tired and i need advil.

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 06:15:00 GMT

all my friends are hanging out in baumhart without me and it's making me sad.
but it's finally, FINALLY june.

caitlin demin makes me smile.
annamarie chigas makes me laugh.
whitney vanars makes me miss guacamole.
andrew walter makes me want to dance (and i actually miss the asian/dyke insults).

i need chicago. bad. it's like an addiction that i have to these people and that city.
19 days.
whit, start the countdown.

Sat, 26 May 2007 15:45:16 GMT

two weeks.
i have been home for two weeks.

everyone is gone, and never have i felt so lonely.
i wait for 11:00 to roll around every night so that i can go to bed because i think 10 is just too early.
i cannot wait to start work on monday. i'm starting to feel my body decompose in this boredom.
literally, i have no idea what to do with myself.

come onnnn, june.

Tue, 01 May 2007 17:10:37 GMT

well, summer is only a week and a half away and finals are probably going to kick my ass.
this summer is going to be another depressing 3 months, just like last summer, away from friends and the city that i love. hopefully i will be working my life away so that time will pass quicker. but maybe not.
i desperately need the money since i mistakingly gave a bunch of it away last summer.
sometimes my stupidity amazes me.
i really wish i didn't have to go home this summer. this will be the fucking death of me.

however, after that long, drawn-out, depressing mess, i AM excited that i got aim on my mac. iChat just doesn't cut it sometimes.

the rest of this week is a constant headache.
i am so ready for school to be over.

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 07:42:03 GMT

why i don't start things until the last minute, i don't know.
it is 2:40am, i am on conserta, hyper as fuck yet becoming increasingly nauseous, and frantically struggling to finish my annual report project for accounting which is due today at 5pm.

like i said, why i do this to myself, i don't know.
i feel the need to puke. so good night.

i am doing quite well, thank you

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 20:02:05 GMT

so i am finally, FINALLY out of the ditch i was digging for myself. i am happier than i've been in god knows how long. i'm actually okay with my life right now, which is quite a huge deal for me considering the state i've been in for quite some time now.

spring break was great. i got to see jessica and hang out with her pretty much every night, which is exactly what i needed. i swear, i will be best friends with that girl until the end of fucking time -- best friend i have ever had in my entire life. i guess moving to kansas was a good thing. oh, life.

the past year and a half has been interesting. it's had its ups and downs, of course, but as cliche as it sounds, everything does happen for a reason. it looks like my life is finally starting to get back on the right track. i got what i've wanted for the past 2 years, which is being content and happy with myself again. i don't know what it is or what's changed, but i am so much better. i guess i'll just have to look back on this time next year (like nanda) and see how everything just works itself out.

CHAPTER CLOSED.

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 03:19:30 GMT

i am not going to put my neck out there just to have my head chopped off.

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 19:22:55 GMT

well. last night was interesting...

long update.

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 01:32:30 GMT

well i think it's time for a real update.

my birthday is in 1 1/2 weeks, and i am finally turning 20. no longer a teen. that's so weird to me. however, as excited as i am for it, i don't know if my birthday party will be able to top last year's party. last year's party was pretty goddam amazing, not gonna lie.

i realized yesterday how hard i am NOT trying in any of my classes. yes, i know it's only been like 1 1/2 weeks since we started classes, but i'm already falling behind, which is kind of sad and pathetic. i need to kick this up a notch, especially in my business classes. is it bad that i don't care about those as much as history and science classes? oh well, other than my lack of effort, though, classes aren't too bad.

i get depressed every time i think of february 14th. valentine's day is a stupid holiday that the card companies made up. when i think of it, i kind of want to gag myself. sometimes i do. people should act like they do on valentine's day every day of the year, not just one day. it's stupid. and maybe i'm just being cynical and pessimistic because that's who i am these days, but who the fuck cares. i hate it all.

i had a dream last night. i haven't had a dream about this specific person in a really long time, but it kind of made me sad because the dream made me feel things again that i haven't felt in a while. what sucks the most about it all is that it gives me a little bit of hope that for once, fate will work in my favor. but so far serendipity has been a bitch to me, and i don't think that will change any time soon. why do all the good ones get hurt and the bad ones get rewarded? i just don't get it. well at least i have great friends surrounding me. i swear, we're the last of a dying breed.

it's cold in my room.
i'm tired and want to go to sleep.
i want to go to california.
as of late, i like bologna again, which is weird because i hate bologna.
i wish you would understand.
i wish you felt the same way about me as i do about you.
i used to be so sure about myself and everything in my life.
i used to be so happy and content.
what the hell happened to me?
oh yeah, now i remember.

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 01:17:00 GMT

wouldn't it be so cool if the bears won the superbowl on my birthday? hells yes.

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 04:58:45 GMT

well i am the most relaxed i have been in ages. i just got back from a week-long cruise to the virgin islands tonight. today kind of sucked only because i travelled for literally 12 hours straight.

other than that, i got to lay out on the beach and get tan and purge my confused head of confusing thoughts. the only thing i did not enjoy about the cruise was new year's eve. new year's eve is a time for drinking and dancing and celebrating the past year. yeah, not so much. considering i was with my crazed conservative family, i didn't get too much partying in :(

but it was tres relaxing nonetheless and i am happy that i got to go. i've been out of touch with friends for a week, which is weird for me, especially considering i talk to some people (mainly just one person) every day.

i'm glad my head is finally clear and i am finally, finally able to start getting my life back on track.

Thu, 28 Dec 2006 03:08:51 GMT

sometimes i really wish i were Lucy from 50 First Dates.

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 06:22:03 GMT

i took my eyebrow piercing out today.
it was time.
there are two holes in my eyebrow.
will they ever heal?
they will definitely leave scars.
and no matter how much time passes, those scars will never go away.

baby steps...

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 17:44:22 GMT

FINALLY, there is a light through all this darkness.
i'm starting to be okay.
everything will be okay.

ps. i fucking hate papers. and writer's block.